Matt's family has started sending out a monthly newsletter, and it just makes sense to post the same entries on here that we submit there -- so at least once a month you'll have an idea of the insanity in our lives, if you care to!
From Brittany:
On May 22, six months after Matt's seminary students won me the
Hoopes Vision video contest, I finally went under the laser. Two lasers,
to be exact. The first took fourteen seconds to create a flap in my
cornea, and the second corrected my vision with nine seconds of corneal
sculpting. For those of you doing the math, I went from 20/200 to 20/15
vision in a matter of 23 seconds per eye. Throw in a fresh-baked cookie
beforehand, a massage chair in the middle, and a DVD copy of my procedure
as a parting gift at the end, and it was the best free surgery I've ever
had.
Which of the following actually happened to the Matt Johnson brood at church today?
A. Caleb peed all over his pants in the bathroom.
B. Peter was poopy but Mommy didn't have a diaper.
C. Caleb, Peter and Mommy left and returned to Sacrament Meeting five times.
D. Daddy smiled sympathetically from the stand.
E. Peter emptied half a water bottle onto his pants and the pew, then the other half into Mommy's purse.
F. Caleb tried to wrestle the cane away from an old man on his way out the door.
G. Maybe next time you should just go home and stay there after A.
H. All of the above.
From Matt:
So those of you who grew up with me might not be shocked to hear me admit that I am a little ... messy. Prone to clutter. Tidiness challenged. At home Brittany keeps this all in check (before Sonja and Alisa make assumptions about how I never do anything around the house, let me clarify - I am [in many cultures considered] a very helpful husband in regards to housework).
The real problems are the spaces that are exclusively mine: my office and my car. My office gets cleaned up at least twice a year for parent teacher conferences, but my car? Not so lucky.
About a month ago, I started smelling something suspect in the auto in question. Assuming it must be a milk spill or something from Caleb, I didn’t think much of it. The smell steadily got worse, but since the extent of my driving in the car is mostly to work 2.5 miles away and back, I was able to muscle through it for a few weeks. After the just-pulled-out-of-the-plastic-all-the-way peachy peach tree freshener was barely masking the nastiness, I decided that drastic action was finally called for.
After clearing everything out of the cabin of the car and finding nothing that could be emitting anything quite so pungent, I moved on to the trunk (which I had checked before to try to find the source). After removing my essential supplies (quidditch set, fake trombone, multiple pairs of socks, etc) I found the problem: a bag of broccoli that was 98% liquified. We can’t remember the last time we took that car grocery shopping. Months. Maybe over a year. Perhaps my scientist brothers can offer a guess on how long that must have been decomposing. All I know is that it was foul and even after an intense shampooing job, you can still detect something faint wafting around old Mitsi. On the bright side, I have a constant excuse. If you don’t know what I need an excuse for, ask Mike and Jon why they kicked me out of sharing a room with them when I was like 9. “I’m sorry, it’s that dang broccoli.”